Before I had any right to dismiss Twihards or criticize the psychologically unhealthy relationship model that Bella Swan and Edward Cullen present, I felt obliged to read the books. So I did. All four novels, one novella, and an incomplete document in portable format. The content lived down to my expectations, but I was unprepared for how poorly crafted the saga is. Contact: reasoningwithvampires@gmail.com

9th April 2015

Question with 81 notes

Anonymous asked: Do you think Twilight would be improved if we replaced the vampires with goats in popped-collar polo shirts?

I’d give change a try.

9th April 2015

Question with 11 notes

Anonymous asked: Kristen Stewart tho, am I right?

That’s not a question.

9th April 2015

Question with 42 notes

Anonymous asked: What would you do if you Meyer announced that she was going to finish Midnight Sun and continue writing the series from Edward's perspective?

Tears.

9th April 2015

Question with 18 notes

allirea asked: This blog exists for therapeutic reasons, right? It certainly has worked that way for me. So what's the most awful thing about the Sam/Emily fail that you don't want to talk about?

Spoiler alert: She was comforting him!

9th April 2015

Question with 193 notes

shreeracha asked: Back when you were a lot more active, like 4 or so years ago, your blog made me realize how much my abusive ex was like Edward. And I got the hell out of that relationship. So in an indirect way, I owe my life to you. Thank you.

That’s… that’s a big deal. I’m honored and so glad and PROUD of you.

9th April 2015

Question with 18 notes

Anonymous asked: Sorry, I just think goats are the cutest little chaotic agents of Baphomet...

Don’t apologize. It’s okay to be wrong.

9th April 2015

Question with 16 notes

pyreo asked: Since the new trend is to pick up popular fanfics for books/movies, do you have any personal recommendations for a fanfic you'd like to see turned into a just-AU-enough-to-be-legal film? Also I hope you're doing well!

I don’t really read fanfic. I’ve only really liked http://audreyii_fic.livejournal.com/ and partially that’s because I like her as a human. Also, thanks!

9th April 2015

Question with 14 notes

Anonymous asked: Do you think Jasper/Bella would work as a couple? Or even Emmett/Bella or Peter/Bella? Why or why not?

Ew.

9th April 2015

Question with 56 notes

Anonymous asked: If a magical curse made it so that there was only one instrument you could ever play for the rest of your life, and your choices were between the flute, the violin, or simply slamming an encyclopedia against a wall to make noise and annoy your neighbours, which would you choose?

Encyclopedia because that was an unexpected choice and quite novel. I like originality.

9th April 2015

Question with 40 notes

lesbonesbonesbones asked: How long do you give a book before you decide it's garbage? Related: Upon discovering that it's garbage,do you finish the book anyway?

I decide a book is terrible when my brain, English, or logic starts to hurt. And yes, generally, I finish them anyway. I am a stubborn bitch.

9th April 2015

Question with 62 notes

merrycarrie asked: Twilight certainly has a seriously high number of flaws, and I love how hilariously you point these out. I'm sure you've spent a fair amount of time combing through the books to pick apart sentences. Considering that, is there any part of the Twilight series that you enjoy?

The fact that they end.

9th April 2015

Question with 59 notes

Anonymous asked: how do you become the ultimate writer? by consuming all other writers?

Are you suggesting being a voracious reader (good thing!) or cannibalism (bad thing!)?

9th April 2015

Question with 25 notes

indigoire asked: Hi! Long time fan, so glad to have you back with us! I was going to ask if you've read Fifty Shades, because it's such a trainwreck (it's a book in the same way that The Room is a film), but honestly you should probably spare yourself. That said, would you ever consider sporking/tearing apart any other series?

Yes, I would consider it.

9th April 2015

Question with 24 notes

keirra13 asked: First I absolutely love your blog, it was the first tumblr blog I explored on this site, before even making an account myself. So, what's your favorite book?

The Enormous Room by EE Cummings. Then practically To Kill a Mockingbird.

9th April 2015

Question with 54 notes

Anonymous asked: DC or Marvel? And why?

Marvel. Because of the X-Men. It’s the first comic I cared about and followed. When my mom was younger, the only comics for girls were Archie Comics and she stole her brothers’ comics, and Fox had that X-Men cartoon when I was little, so we bonded over that. Then fast-forward ten+ years, and I’m coming out of the theater with my then-boyfriend declaring, “THE JUGGERNAUT WASN’T A MUTANT. HE SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN AFFECTED. GEM OF CYTTORAK!”